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Change: dos and don’ts

Change: dos and don’ts

Many people would like to stop acting in a certain way, give up certain habits, free themselves from insecurities, shyness, make new friends,… Thanks to this millions of self-help books are sold and thousands of weekend courses are done promising miraculous and effective change. The business of “change” is one of the most lucrative since a very large percentage of the world population is unsatisfied with themselves and/or with their lives.


Why we don’t succeed in change

We commit many errors in trying to carry out said change, let us see some of them:


1. “Yes, you can do anything

No, you can’t and you won’t if you do not take into account your determinants. So start to consider them: studies, family, weight, age, economic level, physical attractiveness, social class, etc. It is better to have those in mind otherwise your effort might not bear the desired results. Everyone can change, but you have to consider your circumstances.


2. “Change happens when you experiment with various projects

They happen especially when you persist in the same line and using trial and error. Not taking the risk of failure is to stop change. And doing something simply once is simply useless, whether it went well or badly.


3. “Change is easy

No, it’s very hard. That is why the majority of people take self help courses they take and read what they read, yet always remain in the same place. Everyone seems to know what they should do to change, but they look without doing anything.


4. North American positive psychology

It has actually helped me a lot, I do recognise that, but it’s that I actually did it, I didn’t limit myself to simply reading it, I applied it to my life until I managed to reach certain goals.

Dyer or Robbins are good references in this current, however if you read these books like some kind of novel they will not help at all.


5. “The Secret

The person who sold me this book told me it was “very relaxing” (what did she mean by that?). It provides you with the keys to change, written by others a long time ago:

If you maintain a visual of something material which you desire and you feel like you already have it, and you do this every day, for weeks, for half an hour at a time, you can make it come true.

Do you understand that? Yes? Well then you have read the book.

The real question is who does it? No one, almost no one.


Perseverance in an uncomfortable position

Change requires sacrifice and perseverance in an uncomfortable position which takes you to a better place in your life. Like for example being on a diet, or studying german if you don’t like languages. Can you do it? No, well don’t worry you’ll stay the same.

  • Those who manage to make deep change in their lives go through the following steps:
  • Knowing ourselves
  • Overcoming fear and inhibition
  • Determination
  • Perseverance and consistency until change is reached

Are you prepared to change? To stop worrying about “what they will say”? To change your habits? To tolerate frustration and error? To question yourself?

Change requires character and personality, by reaffirming yourself, this is why few people manage it. There is no middle ground to this.

Damián Ruiz

Clinical Psychologist

Jungian Analyst

Director of IPITIA