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Is it possible to fall in love with someone of the same sex without feeling sexual attraction?

Is it possible to fall in love with someone of the same sex without feeling sexual attraction?

The possible generation of anxiety in men and women who experience the sensation of falling in love in an esthetic or animic way with a person of the same sex, without feeling sexual attraction towards this person.

Before we start I’ll explain a key concept which we’ll need in order to understand the content of this article and in order to be able to reflect on the subject. The “anima”, according to Jungian theory (Carl Gustav Jung) is the unconscious feminine aspect of mankind which involves the emotional, sensitive and intuitive part of our unconscious. The anima therefore consists of non-rational functions of the psyche; usually attributed to women.

Let’s come back to the initial question, is it possible to fall in love with someone of the same sex without feeling sexual attraction? This is definitely possible, and it doesn’t imply your sexual orientation has changed or that you have to consider yourself to be homosexual. In the end this is the infatuation with another person from one human being, which arises strongly when our anima encounters herself with another anima, and either consciously or subconsciously feels the need of harmonizing with her, with no relationship to whether this other person is a man or a woman.

Two close friends of whom their unity breaks boundaries established until now, causing a sensible dimension to appear between them as a source of expression and communication. He cares about me and understands me, and I find myself before a communion and a dimension that goes further than just being buddies, or friends. Sex is not necessary; it is closer to an extension of desire and a necessity for a friend you can love, a friend of your soul.

‘I feel like being alone with my friend. Sometimes I feel it is weird, it’s even close to a date, but without wearing perfume… hahaha’

‘I fell in love yes, I fell in love.

We were more than just friends.

But one day I wanted to kiss him to see what would happen and I didn’t get excited at all, I lost the desire’

Real quotes from heterosexual men (non-patients)  

The infatuation of two animas is like an emotional earthquake which transcends to another plane. It goes further than just the physical. When someone is sensitive and has been observing his surroundings during all his life, he has the capacity to see and sense the encounter of animas between people, who most of the time are not aware of what is happening. However, if you observe them closely you can see they answer an impulse that leads them to feel and share a space where only they (two men or two women) are present.

In the end it is not more than the feminine manifestation of this specific person. The search for equilibrium and integration. Sometimes people who go through this process feel anxiety or disequilibrium until they manage to assimilate their anima with normality. The anima involves an emotional profoundness that begs to be expressed. When this doesn’t happen she’s capable of putting the specific person in a state of alert, anxious to live their life. This doesn’t mean that you have to pass through the infatuation we spoke about before, but that it’s important to express your anima, to provide it with the psychological space it needs through art, literature, dance, and other forms of non-verbal expression.

The encounter of animas and the esthetic impression.

The encounter between the anima and the animus (the masculine part of the unconscious) works in the same way as between two animas, and it is a necessity in a society where the unity of couples is lost.

We live in a society which without going much further is erotizing our world and simplifying love to sharing pictures, pressing the like button a couple of times and not engaging in any commitment. In short, there is an “a la carte” menu, where you can choose from a wide arrange of friends who love you, and who motivate you to engage in the same behavior while forgetting about the communion and unity among people.

It’s the discourse we learned from a society that promotes being free of any responsibility in friendships or in any relationship at all. The involvement becomes more and more distant under the protection of an apparent well-being and individualism. The next paragraph could serve as an example:

‘You are the most important person, it doesn’t matter what you’ve done or how, you’ve already done it anyways, you’ll be fine, because the only important thing is to be fine, you will be, don’t worry, we’ll see each other soon …’

When I got the chance to write this article, I was afraid I wouldn’t be clear, or that it would generate loads of questions since it is a subject that can generate internal conflicts or even rejection when one doesn’t feel it corresponds to a genuine experience. But we have all experienced love and in the journey of finding it, there are people who get to experience the encounter of two animas by surprise.

Sergio Lara

Clinical Psychologist