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The fear of hurting your own kids (A specific form of OCD)

The fear of hurting your own kids (A specific form of OCD)

One of the most frequent forms of OCD in adults is the fear of hurting or sexually molesting their own child.

This fear can terrorize the father or mother who has it. The anxiety can paralyze them to a point in which they don’t want to be alone with their child, they don’t want to wash him or bathe him, or in some cases they can even become afraid of touching or hugging their own child.

Many times the parents are so afraid, and face such a big internal conflict, that they are not even capable of sharing their fear with anyone. They think that other people will belief they are crazy, a pervert or a psychopath without limits.

But don’t worry. This fear is the product of an extreme anxiety which does not have any other way to manifest itself in your daily life. This is why it can appear in the shape of a torturing obsessive thought, which in turn can create an unbearable level of anxiousness.

But why does someone get a thought like this?

It’s easy, the only reason why someone gets a thought like this, is to motivate them to do something to free themselves of the high level of anxiety and tension, and break free of their mental and physical blockages.

When I was developing the Analytical- Experiential method I noticed that OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), besides possible genetic predisposition, represents a blockage in the way we act and behave. I found that these blockages are usually caused or provoked by stressful situations in our infancy or adolescence. When this happens, the natural instinct of the person becomes strongly inhibited, which leads them to not living their life. Instead, they limit themselves to overthinking and living their life in a hypercorrect way, while trying to be liked by everybody around them.


Obligating us to liberate ourselves

That’s why a parent can have thoughts like this. Since these thoughts are the only way of the mind to force the person to either liberate or motivate themselves to do something differently, they are usually amongst the worst thoughts for that specific person.

For example:

  • The obsessive thought of someone who has kids will be the one I’m talking about in this article.
  • The one of a heterosexual guy who lives with his girlfriend will think that he is gay.
  • A gay guy will have obsessive thoughts about contracting AIDS or having committed a sin
  • A person who experiences feelings of guilt after having heavily inhibited their sexuality, might have obsessive thoughts about cleaning etc.


The meaning of specific obsessions

Like I say in my book “Freeing the monkey, saving the princess”, ‘everything has a meaning’. This meaning  is not directly connected with the specific obsessive thought, but with those aspects of our personality that have to come out, rise to the surface, and most of all: giving them space to experience these aspects of ourselves with much more liberty.

If you are having these thoughts, don’t fear, for you don’t have any sexual interest in children nor do you want to hurt them. They are simply the consequence of an elevated state of anxiety, and this state of anxiety can be overcome.

Damián Ruiz

Clinical Psychologist

Jungian Analyst

Director of IPITIA